I wonder

Teresa May

Teresa May

Is this a dream?

A self published dystopian novel.

Teresa May?

When she was young, I wonder
did she say?

"When I grow up, I want to be
the unelected leader
of a right wing party
responsible for the
DESTRUCTION OF THE
WELFARE STATE".

As she grew, do you think she knew,
she'd carry the mantle for so much
fear, suffering and hate?

Would it break her Christian heart
to learn that Jesus was a socialist.

Does she have a heart?
Does she feel guilty about the blood on her hands?
No one ever thinks they are the baddie.
How can we make her see?

Wake up call

This poem captures the first moment I realised I didn't have a clue about motherhood, it happened on the second day of my first son's life.


I had a tiny tears, little sisters,
I looked after nieces.
I didn't need the books,
brushed off advisory looks,
it would be different for me!

First night, battle worn,
he slept like a baby.
I just stared at him, triumphant smile.
I did it!
This isn't too bad.

Second night, he was fussy.
They said 'jot down when you feed him and for how long'.
I used the back of a congratulations card.
3am, the card is full.
Front and back.
Nipples raw, sea legs, saggy skin,
babe in arms, I take baby steps to the desk.
'Excsue me, he's feeding constantly and he won't sleep.'
'Yes love, that's what babies do'.

Tiny tears was bollocks.
I phoned my mum to say sorry.

Labour

I had a great time at Cathy Crabb's book launch - Mumb, an exploration into the darker side of motherhood, at Manchester Central Library. It's a great collection of poetry, available at Flapjack Press. I had a guest spot and it prompted me to write a couple of poems. I've never written about motherhood before, I have two young children and think it's because I've been too knackered!

LABOUR
Passed down from generation to generation,
'They don't call it labour for nothing.
It's the hardest days work you'll do in your life".

My friend said not to worry,
the midwives had been so good with her.
Teaching her to breathe with the rhythm
of the waves of pain washing through her body.
Controlling the ebb,
breathing slowly through the flow.
'Just ask them' she said.

My time came,
reassured, expectant, vulnerable.
Blood red toilet, bright strip lights, eyes wide, mind tight, public.
I asked, 'please, can you show me some breathing techniques?'

She snapped 'You know how to breathe ALEX!'


I love the NHS and I'm pleased to say my second labour was brilliant, I think this midwife was having a bad day.

Imagine

Imagine no one ever told you it wasn't possible.
Imagine no one ever told you you were wrong.
Imagine no one ever laughed at you, dancing, singing, dreaming.
Imagine no one ever ignored your curiosity.
Imagine no one ever told you to be quiet.

Imagine you still believed in yourself.
You could run and run with your kite trailing on the ground and believe in the power of your laughing knees and take flight.
Just imagine.

Jeremy Hunt

Jeremy Hunt,
you bear the brunt of the NHS,
like it is nothing.
Named in the suicide note of a Junior Doctor,
still no weight on your mind.
You sleep like a baby.
Her name was Rose Polge.

Forging on against the wishes of millions,
like its yours to do with what you want when its not, it's ours.
Forcing it to its knees so you can say the only humane thing to do is kill it.
Jeremy Hunt and Kill and Feast.
Profiteering from pain, illness and death.
Health a privilege of wealth,
a privilege I couldn't bear if my sister couldn't have it.
Jeremy Hunt, they call you Jeremy Cunt.
I don't like it.
Cunts are givers of life

Anxiety

My heart deafens me thunderously, 

My stomach twists and churns typhoon like.

A change in the atmosphere, thick and clinging to me like a damp rag.

A storm's brewing, cumulonimbus pushing my brow down, I can't breathe.

Has someone turned the gravity up, it presses on my weak and weary muscles, not again, not now, not here, please.

The storm continues to rage inside me,

Low level electricity up and down my arms.

I'm frightened, I know I'm not going to die, am I? 

I plant my feet, to ground me and stop the movement.

There is no safe place, no where to shelter.

My body knows something I don't,

one day I hope to hear it, to understand.

ATOS

Atos don't give a toss,
Even when their decisions cause the loss, of life.
You can, if you like, read about the hundreds that have taken their life,
After an Atos assessment found them fit for work,
but not fit for compassion.

Letters declaring 'fit for work' to souls on their death beds,
It doesn't get colder than that.
What rat sat in an office and sanctioned that?
Benefits stopped, life line, support.
Who ever thought, this was progress.
One man starved to death at home alone, after they cut him off.
Unplugged him from the main supply,
his measly £57 a week back in the pot, for what?

Not a medical qualification in sight
Yet they think they have the right to decide your fate based on their 'clinical knowledge'.
Clinical as an adjective means unemotional and scientifically detached,
How apt!

In a war with the poor, ill and disabled.
There are only casualties on one side.
The pen is mightier than the sword.
No need for gas chambers here,
progress is slow but steady
And the Tories are always ready
with new buzz words to justify their acts.

I bet the job description for an Atos worker reads,
We're looking for a cold hearted judgemental bastard with a strong lack of compassion.
Must have delusions of grandeur and a slight God complex but still be a stickler for government rules and regulations.
The successful candidate mustn't hold humanity in high regard
If my only option was a job like that, I'd rather starve.